De-spiraling

What is the opposite of spiraling? I imagine a cyclone, and a black and white video in reverse. But…that would still be a spiral, just one coming undone. Yeah, that feels right.

This past ten days was intense in momentous and also strange ways for me. I’m no stranger to interpersonal drama or grueling administrative work. However, the shape and form this time was like a flood - as in, deconstructing as you’re being washed over. It was like acting out a play about your past but everyone else in the play is actually in their own present. I’m referring to interacting mostly with college students and studying in a classroom environment with strictly ingrained hierarchy.

I was resolved to find a grounded (water) experience this weekend. A friend shared a pin on a map and a blog entry about a 계곡 (valley) where a stream runs over boulders in a dreamy series of small cascades. So, one taxi ride to 무등산 (Mudeungsan - it’s a famous national park) later we arrived and found lots of people there enjoying the dappled afternoon breeze. Lots of 아주마s were napping on all-weather blankets. We saw a couple playing 화투 for the whole hour and a half we were there.

I didn’t exactly submerge my head underwater, but I leaned back against a boulder and laid my head on a stone with a nice soft curve for a while with my eyes closed. The sound of rushing water was really triumphant. One older man had a moist white towel draped over his head.

I did a watercolor, starting with a [really nice] cairn next to one of the pools...see if you can find it. The cairn culture in South Korea is delightful! This one was really tall and made of proportionally small rocks for its height. I’m proud of how I got them to look. The rest of the painting was purely a watercolor version of a sketch. My friend’s painting focused on around 10 rocks, as opposed to the whole scene, and they captured the detailed nuance of color and shade so beautifully.

The outing was a perfect antidote after noticing how predictably I am slipping into disconnection daily without proactively trying to renew ties…language barrier, schedule, homesickness (due to)…

I know despite the seeming downpour and regurgitation-feeling of unbecoming, I am also making room for links to open up, and every break creates space for another path, synapse, solid bond, integrated dream, and so on.