Nepantla
Nepantla is a word that has been floating around the sacred void space with me.
I’ve been to the corners of the earth and back this last six weeks. I’m frozen, thawed, sprinting, and then resting calmly. It’s madness, but I believe in the joy and capacity of brilliance to come from our mad mindbodies.
Coming into the fourth time I’m back here (Korea, that is) feels so much more stable than before… I imagine each time I landed was a limb, and it’s only getting more capable of movement, flexibility, adaptation, and navigation.
May-June, staying with family, feeling like an infant or a toddler. resting in my ability to sneak away to the mountainside to work out, contemplate nature, feel my feelings, and take a break from projecting and absorbing the familial pressures (echos of a gong…)
June-August, language school, surrounded by young people and teachers. growing but not throwing myself into the work as I wish I could. Knowing my other responsibilities and routines were needed more than the spontaneity of ping pong on a school night. I guess I felt like a teen or a young adult, but reticent, protective, selective. I also did 6 interviews, and felt like I was bludgeoning except when I was with Y.
September-October, family time again, re-acquainting myself with this land, again. It was the first “again” I got. And healing and feeling more and more with my parents also on this side of the ocean. My mom defaulting to English was abrupt and one more wave of realization amidst the reading of the 1970s Peace Corps journal they had shared with me (post-censuring, of course). Fall was beginning, the rice was yellow and ready to harvest.
Now, end of November, meeting family on different terms. Presenting my partner, making preparations for shifts within and around the country. I found a place to stay and bargained with the landlord for a better price, which saves us both the admin fee. I reached out to my connections, trying to build on that thread, weaving another layer. Practicing more calligraphy.
It’s almost the darkest night, and I can’t wait to birth myself…again. More to come :)